The Advice shared by My Father Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who still hold onto damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - spending a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their pain, altered how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."